Reflecting on the past and the big 'D' word

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WOW! It's only been a week and here I am posting again. I hope I can keep up with doing this at least that often.

We had an afternoon that was really overcast and cloudy. As the sun began to break through, I took this picture. Just thought it was pretty, and it reminded me how the hand of God reaches out to us in odd ways sometimes.

Mostly, it was just another week for us. Although Jim finally did get some time off because of the Holiday. Friday we took a drive to Black Hawk. (yes, I won) On our way home, it was just starting to grow dark. Driving up the freeway, you could see fireworks in every direction. Denver has so many suburbs that are considered separate cities, that from I-25 you could see fireworks in all directions. The High Plains are also so open that we could see fireworks that were probably 30 or so miles in the distance. It was really quite a site. I think that's the most fireworks we've seen in years. We "oooo'd and ahhhhh'd" all the way home.

The rest of the weekend was pretty quiet. We both worked on the 'honey-do' list and got a lot done. Sometime this week, I need to take the car and have the seats cleaned and a good coat of wax put on it. Jim just doesn't have time right now to do things like that with all the long hours he's working.

This past week, I was accused of not knowing what it's like to grow up with just one parent. Yea, I know - those of you that know me are wondering who on earth would say something like that. Doesn't matter - we all know I lost my Dad at a young age. And, I was extremely lucky to have a very wise woman for a mother.

Time for a sermon of sorts:

If you are someone out there considering the prospect of divorce and how it might affect your children, I can only tell you what was told to me 30 something years ago when my children were small and I was in the throes of a divorce. I heeded the wisdom that my Mother gave me and as a result, I believe that I have raised some rather well-adjusted children. (now with their own chldren/teens to raise) I'm no child-rearing professional - but since my kids told me they think I did a good job, that's what I have to go on. And, that's all I care about too.

Living in an unhappy marriage can do children more harm than good. (in most cases) We grow up believing marriage SHOULD be the way we see it between our own parents. If their marriage isn't happy, then the children of that marriage are likely to also find themselves in an unhappy marriage. Better to be raised happily with one parent than unhappily by two.

It is prudent that you never ever say anything negative to your children about their other parent. It doesn't matter if you are their Mother or their Father. It is important that you keep negative feelings between only you and the other parent, or just keep them to yourself. Someday, those little babies will grow up to become adults. They will make their own decisions about their other parent. A Mother and Father are still a Mother and Father, no matter how they feel about one another, and those children should love them both, if for no other reason than that. It is very hurtful to them to degrade or belittle their other parent in their presence.

That 30 something years ago when I divorced, I listened to those words. I am very glad that I did. My boys grew up without the presence of their Father to take them to the local amusement park, boating (we lived on the water), to a ball game, a playground, to a BBQ, out to dinner, or just over to his house to visit.

There was no support from their Father of any kind because he gave up all parental rights in order to avoid just that. Even so, and even struggling to make ends meet most of the time, we were happy. I knew the day would come that they would search him out. They did, and they found him. They questioned him, tried to get to know him, and they thanked me for allowing them to grow up and make their own decisions about their feelings. As adults they have asked a few questions about the whys. I'm sure they just needed to get things straight in their own minds about their personal feelings on it all. Whatever their feelings might be for him, it is not up to me to judge or decide if they are right or wrong. I bear no ill will towards their Father. I am not God and cannot/will not judge him. My job was to raise my children to be able to make their own decisions, to teach them to make those decisions, to know right from wrong, and to love God. I am so very proud of them, and I think they know that I am proud of them. If not - Hey Guys! Your Mama is so proud of the adults you have become that I could just burst! I could also go on forever about the lessons you guys have learned, and even taught me over the years, the tough times and the trying times, but I won't.

Enough sermon. If you happened upon this because you are thinking about divorce - and if you have minor children, I hope this can/will help you in some small way.